Karaoke etiquette

When is Barbie Girl by Aqua a better song than One More Time by Daft Punk? The answer, incredibly, is at a karaoke party. I’ll explain why later, but first I’d like to set this all too familiar scene for you. You’re out with your friends and co-workers at a karaoke party. You haven’t been to a big karaoke party before, certainly not with this many people. It may even be your first taste of karaoke in Japan. There are a lot of you, around 20 or 30, so you aren’t in one of the small private booths, but in one of the big, spacious, impersonal and, for some, intimidating party rooms. You’ve had a couple of drinks and you finally feel like you’re ready to give it a go. So, you spend a few minutes tracking down one of the big, beefy books full of songs to choose from. Once you’ve managed to drag the beast back to your table you open the cover to find all the artist names and song titles in Japanese. After a couple of minutes of rummaging through the book you come across a small section with English songs. When I say small section, I mean small compared to the Japanese part of the book, the English section on its own is far from small and probably contains just about every song you can think of, and there begins the rigmarole of selecting which song you’ll sing.

You want to choose a good song, a real belter that everyone knows, a song that is going to make people stand up and cheer the person who had the ingenuity to select it. You want to choose a song that everyone is going to go home remembering. You need to weigh up every single one of your options so you start at the beginning, the letter A! 

A perfect Circle, A-Ha, AC/DC, Abba, Ace Of Base, Adams (Bryan), Aerosmith........

A few minutes later, you’re getting a little bored of leafing through the megalithic book, you’ve finished with A and B (including what seemed like a thousand pages of Beatles songs) and have skipped most of C to find yourself looking blankly at the artists beginning with D. Suddenly a name jumps out at you, Daft Punk! Eureka! Who doesn’t like Daft Punk? You scan the selection and quickly decide on the song One More Time. It’s a great song, it’s on your iPod and it always gives you that little extra burst of energy if it comes on when you’re driving or out jogging. Thinking about the glory your friends will paint you in, the respect you’ll receive from your co-workers and the adulation of any prospective dates in the room, you punch the numbers for One More Time into the big karaoke remote control. When finalizing your selection, you accidentally set your song to play next, effectively jumping right to the head of the queue. Well, the machine IS in Japanese and that button looked like the most obvious one so you pressed it. Not many people seem to have noticed though so you may have gotten away with it. Besides, you’ve chosen the song of the century, you’re sure to be forgiven.

The song starts up and one of the microphones finds its way into your hands, annoyingly a couple of other microphones are in the hands of your well-meaning friends who seem very keen to share this moment with you, although all you can think about is the fact that they are stealing your thunder. The song kicks in and you’re away. You look around the room and the place is bouncing; a few of the more energetic people are up on their feet (are they dancing?), some people are singing along and most people are at least bobbing their heads in quiet acknowledgment of a fine selection of song. Fast forward one minute and the room is suddenly a very different place. One of your friends and co-singers has put his mic down on the table and has gone to the bar for another drink, the people who were dancing are now just standing in animated conversation and the people who were singing and bobbing their heads have tuned out completely. Fast forward another minute and you are now the sole remaining singer of the song, sat alone, slouched over the microphone repeating the words “one more time” over and over again. There is a faint smile on your face “one more time” as you desperately try to hide the embarrassment “one more time” and attempt to mask the boredom in your voice. “one more time” over and over and over whilst, ironically, all you can think is “please, god, not one more time, end the song now!” You can’t, however, bring yourself to press the button on the remote that would end the song and put you out of your misery. Mostly because you don’t know which button it is, but partly to save the last remnants of your quickly vanishing face.

After your ordeal is over and you’re waiting for a man-sized whole to open up below you and engulf you forever, the next track starts to play. You crack a little smile when you realize that some drunken idiot has chosen Barbie Girl by Aqua and your lame effort is about to be eclipsed. You’re surprised when the mic is ripped from your hands and a crowd of people are gathering in front of the big screen carrying the lyrics and accompanying, yet completely unrelated, music video. The song goes down as one of the biggest hits of the night with the boys singing Ken’s lines and the girls doing Barbie’s, all in an exaggerated and humorous style of course. You go home scratching your head and wondering how on earth Barbie Girl could ever get a better reception than a track by Daft Punk. 

This little story emphasizes a point that I was discussing with a friend of mine recently, that Karaoke is not about singing the best song. No-one is there to hear YOU sing. All people want to do is have a good time with friends, sing a few songs as loudly as they can, drink a few drinks and party the night away. There is no space for pop stars, rock stars or any other egos at a karaoke party. I used to get annoyed if people joined in on my choices, but I now realize that that’s what Karaoke is all about. The best songs at a karaoke party are the songs that involve everyone. The songs where people stand tougher in the middle of the room, crowded around a couple of mics. No-one wants to see a performance, everyone wants to be part of the performance. The party is the performance. 

So here is my far-from-expert advice on how to choose good Karaoke songs:

• Choose a song that you’re confident at least 80% of the people in the room will recognize.
• Choose a song that has a simple and memorable chorus. Preferably with a chant or easy sing-a-long style.
• Choose short-ish songs. 
•  Avoid songs no-one can sing (Celine Dion etc.) You can get away with a certain amount of missed notes, especially if it’s a group effort but some songs just sound too awful when performed by amateurs.
• Avoid songs with a lot of repetition, people tend to switch off pretty soon during these songs (this includes most, if not all, dance tracks)
• Avoid songs with long instrumental parts (this includes a lot of metal and heavy rock songs)
• Avoid songs that are too slow and lack energy.

So you can see that the advice above rules out a lot of quality songs. If you want to have an enjoyable karaoke experience then you’re going to have to swallow your pride and admit that your personal favorite song just doesn’t sit well in the karaoke environment. If you can stick to songs that fit within the parameters above then I guarantee you and your friends will have fantastic and memorable karaoke parties.

So, here is my far-from-expert, short list of (quite) good karaoke songs:

• Barbie Girl
• Johnny B. Goode
• The Grease mega mix
• Fight for your right (to party)
• Livin’ on a prayer
• Sweet Child O’ mine 
• Love shack
• Born in the USA
• Born to be wild
• Brown eyed girl 
•  I believe I can fly

Feel free to add your own (quite) good karaoke songs below. Let's see if we can compile the ultimate list of Karaoke songs that everyone can enjoy!

- Ben